I want a Divorce

An associate and FB friend sent this to me and I had to post it. I didn't change anything about it, please read and be enlightned as I was.



I don't usually read or send these, but I actually read this one and it made me tear at the end.

This was cute.> To those who are married, .. Not married .. and soon to be married> > MARRIAGE> >



When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce... I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time... I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying!

Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I ran up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead......I cried and cried uncontrollably and carried her for the last time> from the room to the hall with tears streaming down my face and gazing at my only son, his tears rolling from his eyes, they made me cry even more. I had lost my love, my wife and a loving and caring mother and nothing I could do now to put the clock backward. I had all the time now to look at her motionless body in detail but I knew it was going to be only for a short while until she made her last journey to the Lord......I held my son and wept again and again thinking of all the things I did not do for her when she was still alive....... ..and placed gently the flowers in her hands with my tears trickling on them........ .she was gone forever, all my tears would not bring her back .

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah.. blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you might just save a marriage. To those who are married, .. Not married .. and soon to be married

Dating: 10 things that a man (can't) won't overlook...even if he says he (can) will.

Cases 1- 4

1. Cursing, swearing, taking the Lord's name in vain for any and everything; it grows tiresome and stressful very quickly. Every one find themselves in the occasional situation where the King's English will not suffice and a colorful expletive is the only way to deliver the moment in true color (HD), but when a woman who is candidate for your long term affections cannot command the mental discipline to restrain from practicing free flowing foul language, then one has to give serious consideration to whether that woman is suited to consider for a life partner. The funny thing about this is, that it is probably a measure of the double standard,on the part of the man, who may himself swear verbosely; but in his defense, he is attempting to better himself by association, with someone of a higher standard than himself; his wife. He doesn't just choose you (his woman )to suit himself, but he also needs to get the approval of those whom he holds in highest esteem and around whom he expects his life to rotate. He cannot afford to be constantly threatened by the possibility of embarrassment, because you are not in control of your tongue. Most of the time, swearing is unnecessary and probably just a result of mental laziness; refusal to employ cognitive, linguistic discipline in forming ideas, and the patience to express them in a civil manner that it is not offensive to the public at large. Pick up a dictionary and teach yourself a few new words per day/week, whatever.

2. Don't act like or pretend to be one of 'the Boys' just to be liked; it makes you look like a people-pleaser who will do anything to make a situation work, especially when something is offensive to you as a person or as a self respecting female. When go out with a new man he is looking for you to chart a pattern of behavior that will govern his actions, if you start to act like you don't respect yourself or what's important to you, he will quickly endorse that and act accordingly. Therefore, it is imperative that you set a standard of behavior for yourself before you go out with him or any man, and stick to your guns. If he is looking for a fling he will not have the patience to live up to your expectations, that's OK, let him go his way. I am not talking about setting unrealistic and ureasonable standards that you, yourself cannot live up to in the long run, I am talking about a list of requirements that you have designed for yourself after concious introspection and soul searching of self: that demand to be met for happiness to be achieved.

3. Do not show up for your first date unprepared. Always have an agenda: Know what you want to do on your date, it is OK to let the man choose the place as long as you are OK with the choice. Surprises are OK if you have stated your preferences: don't let him take you to a movie if you recommended a quiet place to talk and he circumvents your request. If you want to talk, interview or interrogate your date, the movie is not a good place to execute that exercise. Men are well aware that the movies and or Club is not the place to conduct a serious talk, so to avoid the talk they will always try to find a distracting environment to assist them in diverting attention from their agenda, if they have one. Some men are just not good communicators so they try to navigate around the full, frontal face-off by avoiding situations that promise to engage them in honest, open conversation. Their goal is avoid disclosure in any, way for as long as they can. The man who is in a hurry to get on with his plan will always employ diversion and once you fall for the first play he will never digress. Don't let him. Grab your purse and call a cab. Set a precedence or get ready for the same old BS.

4. Do not afford yourself the most expensive item on the menu at dinner, on your first date. (This is test.) Even if he can afford it, don't overdo it. I am not going to be feed you that old cliche about being classy, if you are classy you will know instinctively what to do, but as a rule, he is hoping that you will play your true hand here. If you are 'hungry' he will feed you to your indulgence to get what he wants; which may fit right into your agenda. If that's what you are about then eat and be merry. On the other hand if you are looking for 'The Man'; The One', then the meal is not the key, it just affords you the oppotunity to role play while you investigate this individual and pre-qualify or qualify him. This is a test; hint, it is not about dinner, don't compromise yourself, this is about opportunity. The 'Real Man' is hoping you will make it about him, not just his wallet. Make it about him: Good or Bad. Don't waste a good oppotunity being sidetracked with expensive 'Bait', interview the 'Dude', get the answers you need, You can grab a Big Mac on the way home without have to feel as if you were 'Paid-For'.

To be continued in the next submission

Michael Eric Markland

Author Of: Why The Hell Can't I Find A Good Man? (From A Man's Point Of View)Pick up a copy AT

http://michaelericmarkland.com/preorder.htm or http://www.amazon.com/Why-Hell-Cant-Find-Good/dp/1439250995/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254840220&sr=1-1

We Have The Best Time Together, But Why Doesn't He Call Me After Our Dates?

We Have The Best Time Together, But Why Doesn't He Call Me After Our Dates?
A frustrated female blogger "TT" posed this question in a chat; "I have been dating this guy for about 10 weeks and everything is going well, we vibe really well and we and have a good time together whenever we go out to the movies, dinner and bowling. At the Boy's To Men concert we really had a blast, but the next day he didn't call, and the day after that, I wanted to call him but I just knew he was going to call so I didn't, as a matter of fact it was 3 days later before I heard from him. He called as if nothing had happened and never made mention of the fact that he had been MIA for 3 whole days. By then I was confused and a little angry, I know I probably have no right to be angry, I tried to act normal and I probably pulled it off but I want to know what that is about? and how should I deal with it? I am not built like that, I need to hear from my man on a regular basis, I like this guy but I am confused. Why do guys do that?
Well first mistake; 10 weeks into the hook-up and "TT" is subliminally programmed to thinking, therefore referring to him as "my man". She is feeling insecure and needs to be reinforced by her new dating partner; nothing wrong there, but does a handful of dates make a "date" your man? and the language; MIA sounds more like AWOL. Sound clingy to you?
This is that stage of the relationship where men are extremely careful about their language and their behavior; it is critical that you listen carefully and make mental notes also pay extreme attention to their actions.
There are 3 KINDS OF MEN

THE HITMAN: He wants to hit it as soon as possible so he pulls out all the stops, he will say and do anything you need him to say or do, he is agreeable to any terms you suggest except any that will stop him from accomplishing his objective. He only intention is to persuade you to go along with his agenda in any way possible. This one is easy to see through his story is usually all fabricated to suit his opinion of you. if you are needy he will be extremely attentive and patient, any information he can glean from your words or actions will become ammunition to use against you to accomplish his short term goal. Be patient with all men and mostly with yourself, their true character will eventually play out for you to see.

THE USER: He is looking to get involved in a short term , stop gap relationship with you; something that he can wiggle out of as soon as he is tired it or you; his language is usually much more diplomatic and slippery. He might seem to be the the most honest of the 3 because he is willing to disclose that he is dating other people and he wants to be "open and honest": this one is planning to use you and discard you when he becomes tired or distracted by something more attractive or interesting. Be careful, sometimes this guy will seem like he has long term intentions but he is not planning to stick around for more than 6 months to year or for as long as it takes for you to start asking for a commitment. The language he uses is usually loaded with "escape clauses"; clauses filled with ways to get out of the relationship backdoor or front door, and if you fall for them, he will surely use them when the time comes for him to exit. " I don't want to get into anything serious right now", "I am just getting out of a bad relationship and I want to take my time", "Let's keep dating other people until we are sure of where we want to take this relationship" "I work a lot and my job sometimes take me out of town and that was a big problem in my last relationship we had space issues, I hope we won't have that problem because I really like you a lot". When a man is genuinely interested in a woman as a long term prospect he is erratic and usually overcome with anxiety about her whereabouts when he can't be with her, there is no possibility of him encouraging her to date another man while he sits home and wonders if she is getting it on. On the other hand if he just wants to get some play time without getting stuck with the tab or reputation of being her man then surely he can stomach her being some other man's responsibility. Pay attention, Seems like Mr. Fun is playing "TT" wide; in other words he is making sure that she doesn't do exactly what she is doing now: which is trying to play him too close. By not calling her too often he frustrates her early on in the relationship and gets her properly trained in keeping her distance and not becoming too dependent on his presence, it seems like he is giving her a deliberate taste of what's to come, while smiling and playing Mr. Fun-guy. He may truly like her company but he intends for her to play a limited role in his game plan, he will reach out to her when he is ready for her to play that role.

THE MAN: Not much is there to be said about the man who is "stricken" by a woman who he believes could be "the One": he is a walking bag of nerves. She can wrap him around pinky or thumb or wear him like a glove. His language is similar to the "One Night bandit" but the difference is he is willing to prove his Metal and he will allow you to put him through the necessary steps to qualify him and validate his words as his true intentions. He is open to scrutiny and full disclosure. He will be anxious for you to meet the important significant people in his life: his parents, his kids, his true friends. He is gold, but gold is made pure by purging it with fire. Don't be afraid ask the tough questions and demand validation. Resist the urges and bad habits that didn't work in your last relationships, if not, you will repeat the same stages in your life until you learn the lessons that your experiences are meant to teach you.

Resist being clingy.

Stay within your comfort zone, ask tough necessary questions early in the dating stages.
Never make yourself an easy target.
Don't play hard to get, BE hard to get.
Declare an alternate agenda other than your need for a man: something that demonstrates you are on an existing path to elevate the quality of your life.
Reference topics that sell you as the "long term" girl; education, home, family, travel, spirituality.
Be about what you want in your life.
Attract him by being worthy.

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Is it ok to walk away from your marriage because you're not "in love" with her any more?

...Do you promise to love this woman? ....Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love and cherish her? ....in sickness and in health?......for better or for worse ?....'til death do you part?
Do you know what it means to promise forever to a woman?
The divorce rates, to date, say you don't; We don't.
I believe you when you say,
"I am in love with her" but I am not sure if you believe your promise to love her forever.
Forever takes guts and fortitude.
Forever is not a feeling it is an attitude
The question is:
Did you choose a woman that was really worth loving all your life, until death ?
Is this the woman who you choose to bury you or whom you will bury ?
Did you choose the ultimate friend? or did you choose this woman because she was the first to send your rockets to the moon?
or was it because she ingested and did not regurgitate?
Did you think the incredible sex would last your entire lifetime?
Did you think her breasts would still be perky at forty five, after three kids? or did you stop to think that grey hairs would eventually flourish on the Bermuda triangle (of joy).
Do I need remind you that as she ages so do you? or do you imagine yourself eternally youthful and virile?
Do you know that as a black woman she may have to fight off diseases indigenous to her race or that fibroids might attack her insides and bring your sex Goddess to her knees.
Did you know she is more likely to suffer from breast cancer, hypertension, diabetes than women of other races?
When her eyes pale and her senses dim will you keep your promise to love and cherish her?
or when Alzheimer's disease sets into your brain will you care about anything?
Will it matter that she is the one there to hold on to you when you can't hold on to a single memory?
Do you realize that by leaving her she might end up just like your Mom: single and struggling to raise your children because you impoverished her by walking away?
Do you have the courage to stand up to your bold promises of forever?
Do you think your child support can support the loss of life and opportunity you took from her? And are you ready to go backwards in your life financially because you haven't really done the Math about being single?
Is it fair to walk away and leave her after she has made you a better man, only to let some other woman earn the benefit of your evolved state of being.
Have you really thought this through? or does that sweet, supple, PYT got you believing that forty is the new twenty? and so on and so on?
When you are grey and distinguished in your senior sexiness, will
she be a badge of your age or a medal of your heart?

Do you have "forever" courage? or you just think that you do?
Do we even know what that means?
It seems like our fore parents knew about forever, what's different? why don't we know that kind of commitment in our relationships? and how come we seem to be moving backwards?

Marriage is probably the toughest contract on earth.

So remind me again my brother what's "in love" got to do with it?
What's "in love" got to do with "love and cherish...for better or for worse" ?

"Courage young grasshopper"

Men: Why Do We Cheat? and What You Women should Do About It

Cheating leads to nowhere good, it is a straight down hill tumble to an inevitable reality, as sweet and exhilarating as it is during the act, it eventually catches up to us in our lives and sometimes exacts its retribution immediately. Cheating will audit your life and garnish your happiness eventually. It's fun while you are on the run and in the mix but it will leave you lonely remorseful and regretful, eventually maybe even clean out your bank account.We (men) tend to behave when you (women) get suspicious of our activity. We will act right for a while if we are confronted with incriminating evidence of our actions or if we are caught in some dubious act and, or put on probation, We may slow down for a while, but the habitual panty-chaser will find it hard to quit cold turkey. We over compensate for our behavior to the point where it's nauseating and extremely obvious that we are only performing because we are being watched, or we will pout and deny the accusations.

If your man is going to give up his dubious behavior, you have to test his chin and see if he is for real. If he really wants the relationship with you (and the family and kids) then he will pull it together and sever the ties to his addiction or he will make a genuine effort to change his behavior.Don't be fooled some of us are true addicts, we are strung out on the adrenalin of living dangerously, we love the thrill of dangling from the cliff of life. Illicit sex with strange women really gets us off. Some of us will have to be turned loose, or put into counseling: until you end the relationship or kick us out of the house, we won't acknowledge the reality of our plight nor the consequences of our actions.

Sometimes even when our entire family and future is in jeopardy, we still find it hard to make the right decision to let go of the life and the elements of distraction. At this point, you have to let go of us; you must have the courage to let us sink or swim so that we can experience the loss and the pain that we have invited upon ourselves. We are all tempted to some degree; to look, to fantasize or sadly to get involved. The destruction of lives is too high a price to pay for our wanton desires and only you can change this genocidal mind set.

If you as a woman care about being in a relationship with your man then you should find ways to explore the desires that tempt him to be with other women and communicate your willingness to fulfill those needs at home. You have to get creative in your domain; conjure up your own witches brew. The main ingredient is communication and a willingness to learn your man uniquely; what works in your girlfriend’s house will not necessarily work in yours. Don’t pout and act like you got it under control, complacency is the swamp from which this monster rises to terrorize your life. Yes, it is a job, and you cannot sleep on it, it doesn’t matter how beautiful, powerful, independent, strong or confident you are. You have to pay attention to your nest and nurture your life along, one day at a time. “the devil finds work for idle (hands) men” : engage him fully don’t let her take him because you are too busy to utilize him.
Read more……Pick up my book on AMAZON O-N S-AL-E
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Relationship Baggage...you have to learn let-go..

I am of the opinion that anger and bitterness experienced by women from past broken relationships create a serious barrier when they attempt to make the move to the next relationship. The carry-on-baggage can prove to be a real stumbling-block in the way of progress. This flight may never be cleared for take off. The 'chip' from past hurts is sometimes very evident in the language and posture of women attempting to start fresh. I believe that taking time to examine past failed relationships and the circumstances surrounding them, which led up to the parting of ways, is vital in clearing out and airing out the mistakes made. It is important to see the events from an objective perspective and be able to see
the part you played in the demise of the relationship. The blame is usually not to be placed all on one person. It might be that you did not take enough time to screen your partner before you got intimately involved; I believe most mistakes are made at this stage of the relationship and many warning signs are ignored in the midst of the excitement of new fresh love. You cannot allow just any old lie to get by anymore, a man must make a concerted effort to come clean or lie profusely and prove that he is just that; a liar. You must follow proper protocol when you are considering getting involved with a man. After all most of the time, he is a total stranger. You need to gather enough information to make an informed decision before you enter into a partnership with this stranger. Stories need to be tested and actions should back up speech.

A man's agenda operates on a totally different wavelength than a woman's; most men are making a bee-line for the honey while women are meandering their way towards the heart of the man. As always, you are the keeper of the Hive and the protector of the inner sanctuary. Passion and anxiety can cloud an otherwise clear strong mind but good sense must persist and overcome at all cost. The hypocrisy of it all is that as hard as he is pressing, he is hoping that you will hold out and make a difference so that he is forced to hold you to a higher standard, therefore he can justify choosing you as the one that made the difference. Even if it doesn't work out he will always have you high on the respect totem pole, for having stood for your character and for sticking to your morals. You never win by jumping in. This is like double-dutch if you don't time it right you may get hit in the head with the rope. Remember men and women speak distinctly different languages and so do not be afraid to ask him to repeat anything that you do not understand when he speaks. A man with good intentions will be happy to ensure that you get his pitch and will not be offended when asked to back up his words. If you don’t test the quality of the man how will you know if you have rock or sand. Clear your mind and allow your feline intellect to claw at the truth, you need truth to make good decisions.

Feeling Bitter and resentful is a sure sign that you are not yet ready to rejoin the ranks of the intimately engaged. Leave the bruises behind but take the lessons with you for sure. The pain helps as a reminder but it needs to be held in check and not allowed to fester into resentment for MAN-kind in general. Each man deserves his own unbiased jury, Yes men have left a trail of bleeding hearts and broken souls in their mindless pursuit of the panties, but if women begin to put them through the necessary paces of qualifying for their affections, then the high rate of the heart-crimes would die down significantly. If women begin to respect each other’s relationships by not sleeping with men who are in relationships then they can force change in the behavior of men and ward off unnecessary hurt and disappointment in their lives. Hold yourselves responsible for that which you help to perpetuate in your own lives, then learn the lesson and change the patterns which bring you the same painful results repeatedly. Stop the perpetrators in their tracks and demand credibility of each one, before you let them on the stage of your hearts. Trust your instincts when something doesn’t feel right. Pause the tape and replay the scenes often to see if what he says complies with what he does. Keep your honey safe in the vault until you are certain that you are ready to make that plunge. Don’t be hurried, there is no prize for giving in early, you are only rushing in to your own demise. Don’t be callous and try to play a man’s game; you can’t win if it involves your self respect. If the stakes are too high don’t play his game.
Be the queen you are and remember this…

" A lady is a woman who makes a man behave like a gentle man." Russell Lynes.

Written by
MICHAEL ERIC MARKLAND Author of
Why The Hell Can’t I Find A Good Man?..from a man’s point of view

Email: michaelericmarkland@yahoo.com

Website: http://michaelericmarkland.com/preorder.htm

Book: http://www.amazon.com/Why-Hell-Cant-Find-Good/dp/1439250995/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254433538&sr=1-1

The Power of "HELLO"

The Power of 'Hello'.

Sitting in Miami Airport on a georgeous Memorial Day week end at 2:30 pm, It was a Friday afternoon, I just landed and I was waiting around for the rest of my crew to collect their bags. I was pumped, the airport was buzzing with activity as I walked to the bar to get myself a Sam Adams. I paid for my beer and settled near the door to get a clear view of the door leading from the baggage claim area. I felt a presence near me and I looked up only to see two of the most attractive females trying to read the inscription on my shirt, I smiled and obliged them. We chatted for casually for a few minutes; coincidentally they had been on the same flight from NY to Miami, they disclosed to me where they were staying and invited me and my group to join them at some point during the week-end, which I politely promised I would do. My friends arrived at about the same time the girls took leave, of course they wanted to know where I knew these girls from, I expalined that they had just materialized out of thin air and engaged me in conversation. Later that evening we ended up at a party on the beach, the Techno music was loud and the crowd was having a great time, as I was making my way through, I was being tugged at by several miscellaneous young women, I was amused, flattered and somewhat puzzled. That same night at another party, I was standing with my crew in a hip-hop R&B setting and another pair of young women walked up to me and voluntarily introduced themselves to me, I was gracious and chatted lightly with them in between dancing, sipping on my drink and trying to remember which side of the bed I got up on that morning. The last encounter left me wondering why I was being singled out by these various women all day. Had Miami changed that much since I was last here.
Up until now I have deliberately left out the fact that none of these these ladies were African American; white, chinese and what seemed to be mixed heritage. As I remember, I encountered a majority of African American women that day and the behavior was quite different; the "sisters" generally seemed to react the same way they did back in NY, they looked me up and down with no discernable expression and definitely no friendly hello. It occured to me that this very distinct socio-cultural divide between us (African American People) and the other races may be at the core of the man-shortage that some African American women experience.

Whatever happened to "Hello"?.

Why do some African American women find it so hard to say "Hello"

"Hello" doesn't mean;

"I want you, ..or come jump my bones, ..or I am desperate, ..or I have low self esteem, ..or you are the one, ..or come marry me."

"Hello" means:

Hi, ..or I'm feeling good hope you are too, ..or I am curious about you, ..you interest me, ..or you smell nice.

It is not a marriage proposal.

I believe that the ability to say hello comes from within, it starts with you giving to your world what you desire from your world. If you want to receive love and affection from your surroundings, you have to be loving and affectionate to your world first. Practice makes perfect; practicing to be amiable and approachable is a skill that needs to be high on the lists of must do's. The ability to engage a person of the opposite sex in casual pleasant converstion is as necessary as air. If African American women are going to help themselves in their own mission to find suitable men they must invent a starting point; a neutral platform where they can feel comfortable to launch an opening conversation. It will take time to unlearn the Defensive skills that has been engrained over generations. You must learn the simplest of Offensive skills: "Hello". It won't be easy but nothing worthwhile ever is. What do you think?


Michael Eric Markland
Author of
"Why The Hell Cant I Find A Good Man? (from a man's point of view)"

Email: michaelericmarkland@yahoo.com

Website: http://michaelericmarkland.com/preorder.htm

Book: http://www.amazon.com/Why-Hell-Cant-Find-Good/dp/1439250995/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254433538&sr=1-1